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Pig story

Warthogs, razorbacks, Potbellies, Bearded pigs, Any breed or species of Pigs, hogs, boars

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JBTHEMILKER
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Pig story

Postby JBTHEMILKER » Mon Sep 22, 2008 4:30 am

Tanny

Down on the farm in Bradford, we had a verity of critters. Pigs were always a popular animal with me down there. I would raise sows, the females. I had a female, and I would get her bread by borrowing a bore, a male pig. I would then have little piglets, hopefully I would have them at the beginning of the summer when the price for them was the best. I would sell all the piglets but one or two, keeping only females. I would then raise her up till she was old enough to be a mother pig. I would let a pig have two batches of piglets, then she would be sold as a still good mother pig. That way I never had to butcher a pig. I kept them as pets, by selling all the males, and the mothers as mothers, I never had to kill any pigs and I always had a few around the place.
Tanny was the runt of a litter of 17 piglets. Her Mom did a champion job at raising the 16 others, but when Tanny came to the dairy bar to get her meal, her Mom would shoo her away. So Tanny became a "Cosset" pig. That is, she was a bottle fed pig. We had her in the house from the day after she was born. She was started on the Colosturm we had frozen. That's the first milk from a cow.
Tanny survived the start, and was raised in the house. She had a nest box under the wood stove where she slept. Through her formative years of childhood to adolescence she was a family pet. She slept in under the stove at night and was out in the yard with the dogs and cats and chickens and whoever else was out there during the day. When someone would drive into the yard she would come running up to great them, a trick she had learned from Blue Dog, our Airedale and her best buddy. Tanny was never sure if she was a misshapen dog, or a cat, or a human who couldn't stand. Her treat was to wait till Blue Dog had had all he wanted from his dog dish, she would go over and finish anything he had left in the bowl.
As she got older and healthier after a shaky start, she had run of the house. She had a wading pool in the front yard. She would laze in that. She was a tan colored pig, and we always used to say she was working on her tan when she would lie out in her plastic wading pool.
That lasted till her wedding. Borus the bore came for a mouth long stay when Tanny was of an age to be courting. The two of them had a month long love affair out in Tanny's new home in the barn. From the time Borus showed up at the farm, Tanny was no longer aloud in the house. She by this time was a good-sized sow, and was too big to be in the house. While Borus was dating her, she was locked in the barn, something she never thought was just. But when Borus left, she was again let out from time to time. She would squeal and beg to be let out of the barn whenever anyone drove into the yard.
The place in the barn became like her place under the stove, she would go there to sleep, but she had run of the yard. She just was no longer allowed in the house.
As I said I let each mother pig have two litters. Tanny had had her second at the time I am thinking of. She was a big girl by this time. Being free to roam, she found plenty to eat, and she grew to be a very plump and happy sow. She might have tipped the scale at about 5 to 6 hundred pounds.
Well, Laurie had to make a trip down to her folks house, down in Territown, NY. I was working down in town as a millwright in one of the local reel mills. While Laurie was away, and I was at work, I tried to keep Tanny locked up in the barn. But this one morning, I couldn't get her to come up from the pound where she was busy digging and playing in the mud. The reel mill was a time clock sort of job, and it was time for me to go. She wasn't going to go in the barn, she wasn't ready, and it was time for me to go to work. I left her out, and went down to work. I came up to the house at lunchtime. I wanted to have her locked in the barn. Laurie was coming home that day. I wanted Tammy to be in the barn when she got home. Lunch is just 30 minutes, and it is a five-minute drive. I came up and Tanny greeted me, running up from the pound. I asked her to go in the barn, coaxing her with a dipper of grain. But she wanted to play... Lunchtime was near over, and she was still out, I had to leave her and go back down to work.
My neighbor was coming down the hill as I was going out, I stopped him and asked if he could just go down and put Tanny in the barn. She was a frequent visitor up to their house, and he was used to bringing her down the hill and locking her in the barn. I sped off down over the hill, trying to get back to work before the whistle blew.
Well, I had bought a fifty-pound bag of dog food, and I had put it down just inside the door. There was a trashcan it was supposed to be in, but with me, alone in the house, it had not gotten into the can yet. It was still sitting just inside the kitchen door. Now, our kitchen door in that old farmhouse was not hermetically sealed. By that, I mean the scent of the dog food was able to penetrate that door. Tanny came to the kitchen door wanting, most likely, to come in the house. She often would stand at the back door and beg to come in, but by this time she was not allowed in there, not at all. She must have sniffed that dog food, and it brought back fond memories. The dog dish and the treats she had gotten as a kid, eating out of Blue Dog's bowl. That was a raised panel door, an old one, one we were all sort of found of. But Tanny found it the only thing between her and a treat. She came in through the door, making tooth picks, most of them broke in the center, of that raised panel door.
The fifty-pound bag of dog food was indeed a nice treat, But then she wanted a little something more. She knew the fridge had food in it. When we used to open the fridge, she would get cool milk, or a treat of some sort put in her bowl. She finished off the dog food and gave a thought to a nice drink of cool milk to wash it all down. She opened the door to the fridge, and looked through the items on the door. She found that easiest if she just placed them all on the floor. She opened them by breaking bottles and eating whatever she could break open. The milk was near the back on the top shelf. To get that down she just got her snout up there and raked the selves down onto the floor. That worked well, now everything was out of the fridge, shelves and all. Several containers had broken so she could have a good little meal.
After the fridge, the pantry was right there. A pan of brownies I had baked for a treat for Laurie when she got home was on the top self. Tanny got that down, and in so doing took all the shelves down and everything on them. She found the cans could be opened by biting down on them. She wouldn't get all of what was in them, but it would be all over the floor for a later snack. That was all real good. Now, for one last treat. I had made a pine kitchen table. In the center of that pine table was a decorative little vase of popcorn. Tanny just climbed up on the table, reached for the popcorn. When I built that table, I had not planned on the stress factor of a six-hundred-pound pig climbing up onto it. It couldn't stand the strain and broke in to several small pieces, just about right for kindling.
By then Tanny was full. Time for a nap. What better place than her old spot under the wood stove. She was bigger now then she had been when she last went under the stove. In getting down under there she dislodged the stovepipe and spread soot all over the living room. I guess that was not as comfortable as she had remembered it. She then went into Grammy's bedroom, the only bedroom on the ground floor. The bed looked like a good place for a nap. Laurie had spent a year making a quilt, and that was on Granny's bed. Tammy wanted to readjust things a bit to make it a bit more comfortable. After all, she always dug around a bit in the mud before she lay down for a nap, it was only natural to use her snout, covered with the remainder of the contents of the kitchen, to dig a hole in the center of the bed. She dug down through the quilt, the blankets and the sheets, and into the mattress. There must have been something in that mattress that smelled like it needed a bit more investigating, because she dug right down though the mattress and into the bed springs.
That was how I found her when I got home. I came into the kitchen, I thought we had been broke into. I followed her trail of destruction, and found her asleep on Granny's Bed.
Now, a normal pig BM, from a two hundred-pound pig, is about the size you see every morning in the toilet. Tanny was now three times that weight, and she had had a large meal. (Fifty pounds of dog food was the first coarse.) Her BM was of a great size, and she had not even bothered to get up off Granny's bed to defecate. So there she lay, with a BM behind her on the bed, the size of a cat curled up, sitting behind her.
I yelled at her and shooed her out of the house. I got her to go in the barn. When you got mad at her she would go there. I was mad at her.
Just as I was locking the gate on her pen, I saw the headlights from Laurie’s car, returning from a week down with her folks.
Laurie was not pleased with me.
And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
mobayrasta
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Postby mobayrasta » Wed Sep 24, 2008 3:06 pm

That has to be the funniest thing I have read in a long while!
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suki'smom
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Postby suki'smom » Wed Feb 04, 2009 10:34 am

Awesome story! I love pigs :D
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